Trepidation About Fuzzies

I'm leaving for a week's vacation in the Frozen North tomorrow. As excited as I am to see my partner (and have sex for the first time in three weeks), I'm uneasy with the idea of leaving both Loki and Haven with my mom. What's she going to do the first time Loki pees in a corner? (Ahh, the wonderful world of ferrets.) I'm leaving a copy of Ferrets For Dummies; whether it'll get read or not is anyone's guess. Hide, ferret! Hide in fear!
And I don't even want to consider poor Haven. When I'm gone for a few hours, upon my return she yowls as if she'd been tormented the whole time. How she'll sound after a week without me, I daren't contemplate. And the litter box! Oh, my poor kitten.

And yet, I have to go. The plane ticket's nonrefundable. Besides, I need a vacation.
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!"
...No arguments there, dude. I'm heading for some booze, munchies and a detachable shower head.

Tee, Tee Em Eye

So because I fascinate you endlessly (whoever 'you' are), I thought I'd share some highly personal shit that's been on my mind. Mostly about me, how I think, what I identify as, and how this affects me as a feminist, a person, in my relationships, my writing, ad nauseum.
So, for the political. I'm left-leaning, favor Hilary over Obama just a bit, and believe we need legislation that will help us achieve equal rights in regards to race, gender, and sexuality. (I also believe in legalizing marijuana, but that's another story.) I want the laws to change but secretly I dream of La Revolution and say things like "break out the pipe bombs!" even though I don't usually advocate violence.
The educational- I'm a recent graduate with a BA in Liberal Arts (essentially). I know, not too useful, but I plan on going back for a graduate degree in something and it's helpful for that, if nothing else specifically. I'm a bit of an intellectual snob.
The physical- I'm short, curvy and technically overweight. Yeah, I'm a fat chick. I've been brainwashed my whole life to think that I needed to be thinner and at this point, I'm comfortable with myself the way I am. I'm both functional and attractive, and the former is way more important. My purple hair makes me wildly happy, and my style is broadly defined as "practical/blue jean femme". Makeup is a rarity, as are skirts or heels. I've become girlier of late, partially because feminization is necessary to look 'presentable' or 'professional' at most companies, but also in response to the butch/femme dynamic. More on that below.

And now, the sex. I'm... sex-positive, in that I think sex is great and anyone who wants to, should be able to, with whom they want. A few caveats apply, such as: so long as you are careful of your health and safety and that of your partner (meaning, use protection, and use a safeword, pick whichever apply); so long as you are both/all consenting adults (should be obvious); and so long as you are aware that your right to have sex ends at someone else's right to not have sex. If you want sex with bananas and a feather boa and 3 guys and 2 girls and a birdcage, go to it. I'd love to see a video of that logistical feat if you do. But I digress.
I think women have the right to be protected in their sexuality, meaning: I support the Twisty definition of consent, and I believe that abortions should be safe, legal, the choice of the woman to make and not anyone else's, paid for by health insurance and if need be, financially assisted by the state.

I don't identify as a sex-positive feminist. I think we are so entrenched in the Patriarchal society that until we are truly seen as human, most sexual aspects of women will continue to be seen as both only part of and less important than men's pleasure. And so porn, strip joints, Suicide Girls, and prostitution aren't things I think are good. This does not mean I believe in demonizing or looking down on sex workers; I think we all try to navigate the Patriarchy as best we can. The problem is drawing the line between where the Patriarchal brainwashing ends and a woman's choice or agency begins. I don't know where to draw that line, so I try to stay out of the debates until I know more. I do know this: anything that degrades and dehumanizes a woman is not good for women as a whole.

I'm into BDSM. I know, I fail the Twisty RadFem litmus test. I'm unapologetic. I choose to see this as my choice, something I do with my (female) partner that we both enjoy and take pleasure in. It's not something I take lightly. I do a lot of reading and research and a lot of introspection on the subject, and my partner and I spend as much time communicating/talking about it as doing it. I'm a sub; I'll top if I need to, but that's about it. Part of why I do it is that I'm a bitchy, bossy, takes-no-shit type who's all about being in control of my own life. That's stressful as hell sometimes. I also have trouble releasing that emotional stress. Engaging in BDSM with my partner allows me to give up that control in a safe space where I can release the stress if I need to. I don't think it's a perversion, it's just something we do. We like it, it works for us, it's private and doesn't hurt anyone (unless there's a safeword involved, LOL).

I'm into what I call the butch/femme dynamic. I could write for pages and not cover this; for that I suggest you go check the Sugarbutch Chronicles- on whose creator I admit to having a massive crush. My partner is butch. That's the way she's been, from the day I met her about 10 years ago. She was butch even before she came out. I tend to be a bit andro-dyke, believing in function over form (read: jeans and comfy shoes, and screw the makeup most of the time). I'm not, however, butch; therefore I became the default femme. I found I enjoy the balance of our energy- hers is very masculine, and mine is, well, female. Feminine seems to me be about heels and skirts and pretty stuff, and while I'm not all about that, I love being a woman, usually. I love having long hair and lady-parts, I love having a clit, for damn sure! I love my curvy body and my sultry voice and the way my brain works. So I just kind of... started to be femme-ier. No pushing from the Ferret, though- she loves me and thinks I'm sexy, brainy, and fabulous no matter what I wear or how I act. We've had to talk about her butch traditionalism meeting my feminism, though. Which is a whole 'nother post. Suffice it to say, we've come to an agreement.

How, you ask, can I be a feminist and still let my honey squish my spiders and carry my groceries? How can I be against porn but into BDSM? How can be against traditional gender roles and still enjoy butch/femme?
I don't know, except I have to believe in my own agency. I chose these things because I enjoy them. In fact, they run counter to a lot of the things women and feminists are supposed to do. But really, I don't know. I don't condemn them for anyone else, either.
As long as it's not hurting anyone, do what turns you on.
"An it harm none, do what ye will, but know that every act comes back threefold, for good or ill"- The Wiccan Rede
...Did I mention I'm a Wiccan, too? ^_^

A Waste of Makeup

So I went out the other night, looking for a nice little hole-in-the-wall dyke bar where I could sit and drink rum and coke and maybe do some harmless flirting. Fail. Out of 2 bars, one was dude-oriented and the other... well, the friendly bartender told me it's usually mixed (only guys in there when I went in, awww). So no dykes for me last night. That was disappointing, but not a big problem.

The problem was the skeezy, underage dude who immediately started hitting on me as soon as I walked in. I didn't realize at first he wasn't gay. "You know this is a gay bar, right?" I asked him. "Yeah." So why, then, was he in there? "They serve me beer here. I'm 20." The legal age here is 21. Some bars'll card you and some don't bother.
But this muy suave dude kept talking, couldn't believe it when I told him I was gay, I guess cause I don't look butch. Eyeroll. "Really, you like girls?" "Uh, yes, for many years now." I generally tell the truth about being bi in a gay bar, but with dudes like that, admitting you occasionally like the penis = you want their personal penis. And they keep trying to convince you of this. He's already way too close to me, getting into my personal space (which I hate). And then the fucker leans over and puts a kiss on my cheek!

I sound so outraged. It's not like he groped me or anything, but still! How fucked up is that? I immediately push him away and say "Hey! Don't do that." He laughs and says now he believes that I don't like guys. Because, you know, the actual words out of my mouth weren't good enough. So I proceed to finish my ginger ale, walk to my car with my knife out (Some folks say I'm paranoid. I say yes, I am, but I'm cool with it.), and drive my ass home.
I'm annoyed by this. I took pains to look both bad-ass and femme, and was pretty pleased with the results. I go out, specifically avoiding regular bars, and get hit on by a penis anyway. Fuck.

So a word to all straight guys who go to gay bars to hit on girls: Stop doing it. The gay girls there do not want you, they don't 'need a man to straighten them out', and they will not think it's cute if you try. If there are straight girls at a gay bar, they've come there to get away from guys hitting on them. If they wanted to meet a guy, they'd have gone to a straight bar. So just fucking stop it.

Sigh. Maybe 3 nights a year I go out drinking. This one was an epic fail. Who's a girl gotta grope to find a decent dyke bar in this county?

College "journalist" sez: Mocking Rape is Cool! We're cool, man!

"Regardless, dude, yes, many people commenting here do menstruate. I suggest you flee in terror lest someone menstruate at you through the internet. Feminists can do that, you know. They have powers."
...Holy crap, that's funny. It was from a post over at Feministe on John Petroski and his truly awful editorial in the CCSU rag, The Record ("but it was meant to be SATIRE!") on how rape is "a magical experience", wherein he goes on to blather about how the Romans raped the Sabine women to increase their population, and how "fat girls would never know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk" if not for date rape.
He then went on to say

"But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some saucy circle-jerk rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket."

Yeah, rape should be endorsed because it'll make a good front-pager. This guy must not have been reading newspapers lately, being too busy writing them with his deathless wisdom and all.
But hey, he's a real charmer. He's the same guy who wrote another piece about abortion which included gems like “As soon as you get pregnant you no longer have a right to your own body...Once a child grows in your womb, ladies, it should no longer be a question of your right to privacy or your right to choose.” I won't even go into that, except to mutter things about chainsaws.

So, I think we can safely apply the label "priveleged, whiny, misogyinst douchebag" when it comes to this guy and his writing. And what the rape piece means, translated, is: "Even though I'm entitled to sex with any girl I want, they haven't gotten the memo about my wit, charm, and HUGE weenie. So I'll make a bunch of jokes-that-aren't-really-jokes to trivialize rape, which is totally sensationalized anyway, because none of these uppity bitches'll fuck me."

Well, Sparky, a few problems with that. To whit: satire is funny. This wasn't. It was douchebaggery, plain and simple. I had to invoke Poe's Law on this one. Even if rape were an acceptable subject to satirize, you'd have to do it well, and carefully, and in such an exaggerated manner that no one misunderstood. This genius has done none of the above; Jonathan Swift he really ain't.
(For a comparison that's pretty good, check out this post.)

But Johnny-boy still doesn't get what these Humorless Feminists^tm are getting so upset about, I can tell. So let me make it clear to him, and to all the guys who don't get why rape jokes aren't fucking funny. Here it is, John.
There are- let me bold this- there are men out there who really think like this. Who will read this and feel validated to go out and commit a crime that you trivialized. And it's your fucking fault, John.
If a woman had written something similar about the joys of mass castration (and don't think I haven't been tempted), not only would it not have made the paper, she would've severely disciplined. But this is different, cause we all know rape doesn't really happen to real people.

And of course, there were the usual trolls commenting on how Feminists Can't Take A Joke. Right. Like the way black folks don't think lynching jokes are funny. They just have no sense of humor about being abused, oppressed, and treated as less than human for hundreds of years!
...Oh, wait.
Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit. I think I just made a point! I should write for The Record!
Anyway, the above comment is a reply by commenter ako to one of said trolls who said something like "chill out and put your tampons back in ur[sic] pockets". Not a complete quote, but close enough for morons. Way to raise the intellectual level of the discussion, moron! And thanks to ako for that reply, which had me LOLing all over my keyboard. It got messy for a moment.

Also coming in for lambasting is Mark Rowan, the editor of the paper, who actually printed that shit instead of placing it somewhere it could be appreciated, like the bottom of a hamster cage.
I'm happy to report that from what I hear, most students are outraged, or at the very least, not supportive of the guy. And Petroski did give an apology. A crappy, CYA type apology. In which he called rape a "pseudo-subject". Is that even a word? Seriously? Can we have some real journalists at a college paper, please? Ye gods, my cat could meow something that made more sense than this dipwad's "bold" and "gifted" satire.
I'm sorry, Connecticut. If these guys are yours, I hope you kept the receipt.

...And now I totally want to menstruate on someone through the internet! Where do I sign up for that feminist power?