O RLY?

So Obama said this:

"As you know, I'm pro choice. But I think we also have a tradition of, in this town, historically, of not financing abortions as part of government funded health care."

Blogger RMJ, from Deeply Problematic, says this in reply:

"I have a tradition myself. It's a tradition of not being pregnant. I expect [Obama's] support on that. That's just how things work in the town of my uterus."

Yeah, Obama, you're sounding a little Bush-tastic these days. Please to stop being wimpy and use your powers for good instead of the same old stinky evil.

I will now be using "the town of my uterus" in a conversation as soon as I can. Also, "loinfruit". (It's a contraction of the phrase 'the fruit of my loins'- don't ask. Plus, it's a great name for a rock band!)

Go read her stuff, call out Obama, oh and maybe try to use the word loinfruit today, to see if it amuses you too!

(Aborted) Children of the Corn

So my Ferret and I were taking a road trip yesterday through the lovely central MidWest. And it was scary. No, seriously, I was freaked. Not just because I now have a better understanding of the phrase "the middle of nowhere" than I have ever had before. Not just because I saw a sign advertising a tree and landscape company whose motto apparently is "We eat trees... they taste like chicken". (True story.)

It's because I also got the chance to see something I never even imagined: Anti-choice billboards in cornfields. Yeah. Farmer Brown's doing his part to Save teh Baybeez. I counted 4 on a 3-hour trip. The first time I saw one, my reaction was "Did that say what I think it fucking did?!"

I asked my Ferret not to route us on that particular highway anymore, although it is one of the more direct routes to [Large City], because every time I saw a sign in a field like "Abortion kills a baby every 24 seconds", or "It's not a choice, it's a child", I felt like I'd been slapped.

And I wondered, how must a woman who has had an abortion feel, driving past these awful things? What kind of person puts or allows someone to put that on their property? Why that issue? Why that sentiment, when there are so many other things for your field to say?

I mean, I can get behind "Support Our Troops", "Buy Local Produce", "Join AAA". I'd applaud "Eat at Joe's". But "don't kill your baby, you slutty evil female" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

I'd never seen anything like these billboards before. I don't understand it, and I almost couldn't believe it. And I was shocked, and sad, and upset, and mostly? I was pissed. Really pissed. Royally fucking pissed. I wished I could've stopped and bought spray paint because that is a vile thing to inflict on a driving feminist.

Some days, I want to get the fuck out of the Midwest, no matter how pretty the trees are in the fall. I want to go back to South Florida. Yesterday was one of those days. It really was.

iBleed

So, I am having my period. 

...This is an experiment I'm doing. Have you ever noticed that having lady-parts is like this big, taboo thing? That we are expected to never talk about, ever? It's a conspiracy:

I was harassed when I got my first period in 7th grade- by other girls.

My parents get unnerved when they see tampon commercials on tv. Cause happy floating tampons and ambiguous blue liquids are unsuitable for viewing, or something.

My mother told me to hide my pads in the garbage in case my 10-year-old brother saw them.

This, despite the fact that 50% of the population does, will, or used to have a period!

I feel that this is some bullshit. So, from now on, I don't care that it's an "overshare" to talk about my period. I have one. If it is relevant, I will mention it. If I have cramps, I will say so. I will not wrap my used tampons in 83 layers of toilet paper lest fragile male eyes be traumatized by the sight of blood. If there are people out there who aren't aware that cisgendered females of "reproductive age" have menstrual cycles, it is time they learned. 

Also, if I hear any more men make that stupid "joke" about "Being afraid of anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die", I will... actually, I haven't decided how I will respond yet. I have many options, though! 

Do I:

a) tell him I, personally, am afraid any group of people responsible for 90% of all violence, such as men;

b) respond with "I'd be afraid of that, too! But technically, I'm not releasing blood out of my veins. I'm expelling the unused lining of my uterine wall, which is totally different and not part of my circulatory system!" in the hopes that I will gross him out so much he will shut up;

c) explain that that fucking joke isn't funny, wasn't funny 40 years ago when it was new, and tell him never to talk again because he's abused the privelege;

d) or, when he tells me it's "just a joke", kick him in the nuts- because that would certainly make me laugh... now who's "oversensitive", smartarse?

Any thoughts? Because I know at least one person who's likely to say that to me at some point.

Jesus called. He wants his religion back.

Aaaand the Vatican once again proves that the leaders of the Catholic church are a bunch of aliens who have no concept of humanity or empathy.

You bunch of fucking assholes.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

This girl is NINE. Nine years old. She was raped and in all likelihood would have died. And quite possibly the TWINS she was carrying would have died. But on the off-chance that no one died, she would have had twins. At nine years old. The product of rape. At nine. By her stepfather. I mean, dear fucking gods have mercy.

So... she had an abortion, which is about all that could be done to preserve the life and sanity of this poor girl. And in a slightly saner world, that would have been it. It would have been private, and over with, and on to therapy. 

But then. Somehow, the church got involved. And then there was more torture. And a complete and utter lack of compassion.

And the church excommunicated the mother and the doctors, called it murder, and have been very censorious about the whole thing. Big surprise. Assholes.

Amazingly, though, the stepfather? He's not been excommunicated. In fact, not one word about him. Also? Not one word about this little girl and the suffering imposed on her- by men, who will never have to go through this but keep trying to control it.

I guess you could say I'm religious- I believe there's more out there than us; that there's things we don't know and may never know. I believe in the divine. 

As a Wiccan, I live by the Wiccan Rede and the Rule of Three: "do as you will, an it harm none" and "every action you take, for good or ill, returns to you, threefold". Watch what you do, try not to hurt people and be aware of the impact of your words and actions. It's not hard. 

Christians are supposed to be doing the same things- remember "love thy neighbor"? What about "let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? Religion is supposed to be there to teach us to be good to one another, to do no harm, and for those who are wronged, see that justice is done or at least that comfort is given to the hurting.

Why then is religion suddenly no longer concerned with these things? Where is this girl's comfort? Where is the justice for the man who harmed her? And why are all these Bishops surreptitiously picking up rocks? No wonder so many people are abandoning religion these days- it teaches them nothing good. 

Pessimistic maybe, but that's how I'm feeling.

People who are supposed to follow the example of a man of a man who sought love, peace, and the commonalities of all people- and they all seem to be promoting fear, hatred, and shame. What the hell is going on here?? 

...The cognitive dissonance makes my head ache.

"Be A Man"

Sorry I haven't updated- still no internet at the house, and still more sick than well. I understand now that seasonal depression thing some people go through. Never thought I'd miss SoFlo, but dear Goddess I just wanna be warm again.

...Anyway. Today's rant is on something I've been seeing in Christian websites just lately (I was looking for a feminist book review and my Google-fu went awry). Actually, I see it all the time whenever Fundies get together and discuss how The Liberals Are Ruining Society. It's this: "We have to encourage our men to be men!" Or some equivalent. Has anyone else noticed this creepy meme?

One commenter on catholicexchange.com (which I will not link) babbles happily "Sometimes my friends who have a “super sized” family like I have sit around and discuss that our large families have forced our husbands to step up to the plate and become a man. They shoulder immense burdens for the sake of their families when they could’ve limited their family’s size through sterilization, the IUD, or the pill and used their wives as objects while they pursued personal interests." 

Yeah, that truckload of brats "forced him" to step up and work back breaking hours to feed all those dependents. Good thing, too- who knows what would've happened if you hadn't been there to add to the world's overpopulation. It's not like he was probably a decent guy from the start or anything. But without all those kids, he might've pursued *gasp* outside interests- like friends, a hobby, or career ambitions. Hey, we all know having a shit-ton of kids prevents an otherwise irresponsible, unfaithful man from chasing other women and/or divorcing his wife and leaving her with 5 kids to feed. Also, good thing to know that the woman who's basically a uterus on legs doesn't feel like an object! Whew! I'm so relieved.

She also adds a cute little aside about how she makes a MUCH better chocolate chip cookie than hubby, but golly, he's her best taster! Tee hee! Cause he's a man and, you know, they love to eat but can't cook! Those menz- they'd starve without a wifey in an apron! 

Excuse me while I go throw up.

And now the church is saying than men aren't manly enough, and that, obviously, old-fashioned gender roles and huge families are the ticket to making them "step up and be men".

I'm guessing what that means is: they should be responsible, loving, considerate, and do their best to care for and protect the ones they love. Be strong enough to take care of their kids, homes, and livelihoods. Treat others as you'd want to treated. Not act like 35-year-old children, not act as though the world and everything in it is their personal toy. 

Great. Awesome. I couldn't agree more. Except... why is this the purview of men? Why do we need to go back to traditional gender roles? Aren't these qualities important for, um, everyone? What- responsibility and steadfastness are only desirable if you have a penis? And us laydeez are just supposed to stand back and giggle/applaud, or something?

Ick. Is it just me, or does that logic not resemble our Earth logic?

Look, my thing is- what is a man, anyway? And why do we make boys work so hard to conform to that narrow ideal? Why can't a woman work and support her family (wage gap aside)? Why can't a man be the one to take care of and nurture his kids? 

Why, other than that we're taught from a young age "this is how things are"? Why is it so important to 'be a man' when what we should all be striving for is to 'be a decent human being'?

Well, catholics and fundies? I'm waiting.   ...Bueller? Anybody?

Banging My Head Into A Wall For Fun

"Lemur, why don't you want kids?"

For the same reason I don't bang my head against a wall for fun.

When my Ferret and found our own place, I was relieved. Her folks were very nice to let us stay there while we got it together, but there were 7 people, 1 bathroom, 3 dogs, and 2 small children.

I don't like kids. I can manage them, in small groups. I tolerate them. I occasionally even think they're cute. But seeing a baby in a stroller does not make me wish for one myself. I seem to lack the maternal imperative. Obviously, we need some around to continue the species; obviously, some people find fulfillment in having kids. Don't get me wrong- I'm happy for those who're happy with kids, who are good parents for good reasons (I can't define "good reason", but I know all the bad reasons). 

So, no kids for me. The world does not need my parenting skills- any kid I unleashed on the world would be a world-conquering tyrannical despot or a constantly-stoned couch-philosopher. It's safer this way, really. And I don't need kids. I have plenty of walls handy, thanks.

What drives me nuts is all the people who smirk and say "Well, you're young. You don't know what you want. Just wait til your biological clock starts ticking. Who'll look after you in your old age? Don't you want a family?" Any or all of the above. Like I haven't thought about this for years. Like I'm not capable of NOT wanting kids. Like I don't have reasons for not wanting them. Like I haven't thought of all this before. 

I have a plan for all this. My plan is: Have my finances set up to take care of myself in my old age. And have friends, who'll visit me in my dotage. If my biological clock (which I'm not convinced exists) starts going "cuckoo!" and I start wanting kids around, I'll join a mentoring program. Oh, and as for "family"? I have a family. Besides my immediate family and the family I'm marrying into, there's also my own family: me, Ferret, and our fuzzies. We're our own family. Small but happy. Yay for us.

I wish people would consider adoption more often, though. I know there're all kinds of problems with the system- one of the biggest that in many (most?) states, LGBT folks can't adopt. But I think the biggest problem is that we're still stuck in this medieval mindset where kids were a necessity (for work on the farm) or a point of pride (look, my penis is manly and virile!) or a point of fear (the family name will die if I don't have kids! [never mind that usually a woman's family name disappears into obscurity]). These, and all the other stupid excuses to BREED, DAMN YOU! don't make sense to me.

Hey guys? Screw your genes. The world doesn't need them. If you're worried about your race or religion "dying out" or "being outnumbered", you're a bigoted asshole, and the world REALLY doesn't need your genes. And any talk about "bloodlines" is ridiculous. This isn't the Middle Ages, you aren't European Nobility. In this age, paternity's no longer a life-and-death issue. Let's see, what else? Most of you don't have farms; if you need help, hire it. Your penis is not that damn important- no, really it's not. Nobody cares. And unless you or your ancestors have done something particularly noteworthy, even your descendants won't remember you, and you won't know them. If you did do something important, you'll be in the history books anyway and you'll be remembered, no kids needed. If you're that worried, make a couple million dollars, endow or donate something big, and give it your freaking name. There ya go.

I can't tell people what to do. I can't suggest we all stop reproducing (although I think we could benefit from a slowdown for a couple generations). I can roll my eyes at people with families of 5 or 6. Don't you guys know when to stop? Think of the homeless kids you could provide for! Hell, think of your carbon footprints and stop making more consumers! Damn, people! 

Er. Anyway.

Think. Adopt. Use protection. And for Gaia's sake when someone tells you they don't want kids, congratulate them!

"Did Your Mother Abort You?"

That's the question an anti-choicer says he raised to various people in South Dakota.

I have asked many people: “Did your Mother abort you?” Before they could answer, I answered for them, saying, “No, she did not. She gave you life.”

What a stupid fucking question. And how convenient that he answers for them. Y'know, I was gonna quote Cara's response to that, and then reply, but instead I'm just gonna link to her article about the SD Abortion Ban Attempt of ought-eight! and you can read her takedown of that awful trope.

And instead of posting this as a long-ass comment on Cara's thread, I decided to post it here and see if I'd get my Very First Troll! So here goes:

I was a wanted baby. Really wanted, first child, mom-standing-on-her-head-after-sex-to-get-pregnant wanted. That makes me really happy, and my mom's never seemed to find her firstborn lacking in redeeming qualities, so I feel I haven't been a letdown in the face of all that anticipation (kinda like having a kid that's the equivalent of socks and underwear for Christmas). And oh by the way, now that I'm here on Earth, I kinda dig it, so that's cool. I'm glad my mom had me, don't get me wrong.

But you know what? Had circumstances been different? Had my mom gotten pregnant at a bad time (couldn't afford, wouldn't have been able to go to school, in a bad relationship, etc.), or before she was ready, or if she just hadn't wanted a kid? Had that been the case, if I could *magically* have told my mother what I, the zygote/fetus/embryo, would've wanted? It would've been for her to have an abortion. I love my mother, and wouldn't have wanted her to give birth to a child she wasn't ready for, couldn't take care of, that might damage her life and that she might resent having to raise. It wouldn't have been to subject her body to nine months of physical and emotional stress only to have to deal with the (probable) emotional wrench of handing me over as soon as I was born to strangers or an indifferent State system. 

For my sake, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up in the overcrowded, oft-hostile fostercare system. I wouldn't have wanted to grow up knowing I was responsible for family hardships or that I was an unwanted burden, or worse, being told that by my parents. And oh yeah, there are some sanctimonious pricks who preach that "We should all Choose Life, because they/she had an Unplanned Pregnancy, but they/she Had The Baby" and they do indeed say just those things to their kid. 

If your mother had aborted you, you'd have no consciousness to know it, and thus it wouldn't bother "you", the embryo, about whom the whole fuss is about. If your mother had you because she was forced/coerced/had no other choice, your life and your mother's are likely to be a whole lot different.

And since I'm not afraid to put the personal in the political, I'll say this. If it were me, making this choice, having an unplanned pregnancy? Well, (aside from the fact that it's highly unlikely at this point and that I'd have to do a lot of explaining to my girlfriend,) I know I don't want children. Not now, pretty much not ever. If I do go crazy enough to decide I want that kind of sacrifice and responsibility, I'll adopt a kid: there're way too many kids who need a home to be just bringin' more into the world, willy-nilly. So IF I were to get pregnant? I'd have an abortion. I've known that from the first time I contemplated third base. I don't presume to tell other women what they must do, and I'm unapologetic about the choice I would make.

The life of a living, breathing, thinking woman should top the rights of a bunch of cells using her for a life support system. Sorry, sounds harsh. But true.

Dear Hollywood

...Can we, pretty please, just once, have a movie where an unexpectedly pregnant woman actually gets an abortion? 

I know it's too much trouble to ask that she not be horribly scarred for life by it. 

But seriously, mainstream movie guys... could you ignore the "choice" part of pro-choice a little more? I can't hear you out there in delusion-land. Everything in the movies can be resolved happily in under two hours. 

In real life, though, there's usually no deus ex machina to save the day for a woman with very few resources and not enough options. 

Could we maybe have some art actually imitating life, please? I know realism is too much to ask from you, Hollywood, but it'd be great if you could manage to let go of the fantasy and take one step closer to showing the world how it really is.

Non-Depressing Linky Goodness

BRAVE: What To Expect When You're Aborting. Want to know what it's like? Unapologetic, real, and an eye-opener. Go see if you haven't yet. And yes. Yes, this adorable illustration is exactly what it's like.

AWESOME: Bitch magazine has been saved! I'm a bitch, you're a bitch, etc. This is definitely good news.

QUEER PSA: The best "Vote No on 8" ad I've seen. I want them to air this on TV. It has been noted that it's kinda lacking in POC's, but other than that it's awesome.
h/t Alas, a blog

FEMINIST PSA: It's pretty good. Disappointing that we need one, but something to point your coworkers/friends to if they need something illustrative.
h/t The Feminist Underground

BEST RANT OF THE WEEK: Essin' Em lets loose on guys who get in our personal space. This is a big thing of mine, so it's nice to see it addressed! That kinda made my day, and I had to include it at the last minute.

BLOG ENDORSEMENT OF THE WEEK: Natalia Antonova, a blog that deals with feminism, Eastern European and Middle-Eastern politics, and occasionally, stuff. Her What About The Menz? post was pointed and nasty- which of course I love.

OLD-SCHOOL: The Politics of Housework, an essay written in 1970 that still applies today. Which is, um, pretty sad. If you haven't read this, it's highly recommended reading.

FEMME-TASTIC: I can't be all serious, can I? Go to AfterEllen.com and see the 15 Hottest Butches of all time.

So that's it for now. An interesting mix, I hope?
Feel free to leave links in the comments.

Sarah Palin and some dude

Here at Things That Piss Me Off dot com, we have: Palin, and the opinions of a dude who thinks she's great. That I have to live with. 

I have nothing to say about her that hasn't already been said, by Melissa, by Cara, by Holly and others, I'm sure.

I have to defend her against sexism and misogyny, because that's how feminism works. Just tell me I don't have to like it.

I find her politics and her policies reprehensible. I find it wildly annoying that the Repubs are lauding her as a "new kind of feminist" when she isn't, but damn ain't she cute! She's palatable to men who are scared of powerful women. And if she and McSame win, I'm goin' to Canada. 

I got into an almost-fight with my almost-dad-in-law because... well, because he's conservative and I'm a liberal. He likes Palin, and any feminist backlash against her he dismisses (wait for it) because "she's attractive and those ugly liberal feminists are jealous". Are you fucking kidding me? I can't even unravel all the sexism in that comment. When I explained that No, She Isn't A Feminist, he said something about how she's just not a liberal feminist and that's why I don't like her. Um, in all seriousness, is it possible for one to be a conservative feminist? Isn't that a little... difficult?

He thinks she does no wrong, and I don't know if it's just cause "she's so attractive" and therefore nonthreatening, or not. He's made approving comments about her looks before, completely missing the sexism of course. Sigh. 

He doesn't care about polar bears, doesn't believe she wants to teach creationism, doesn't believe she's strongly affiliated with the church she goes to (or thinks it doesn't matter, I'm not sure which). He doesn't believe the censorship allegations (no, there's no list, but yes, she inquired about removing 'certain books' from the library, and it does look like she tried to have the librarian fired), and her choice position doesn't seem to mean much to him. I didn't even attempt to mention this, because I'm not sure he'd see a problem with it.

 He also, by the way, believes the abortion rates aren't lower because abortion is "a 7-billion-dollar industry". I don't even know how to begin to refute that. But you know what? Should I have to? Should I even have to argue my position with someone for whom it's an academic discussion? 

 I wish I could post a big billboard on the highway: "IF YOU DON'T HAVE A UTERUS, YOU DON'T GET AN OPINION"

I've decided to just refuse to argue with the dude. He's an ok guy, but I have NO desire to talk politics with someone who's totally opposite me on a lot of issues, and less desire to talk them with someone who shouts a lot. It's annoying, and so is his privelege.

I'm done for now.

Link Roundup

Yes, I'm doing that thing known as a link-cluster, a big ol' orgy of links.
... Ok, so it's not a metric ton of new hyperlink-y goodness, but I'm working on it. Check em out anyway.

IMPORTANT: Cara writes about Amy Goodman's arrest and why you should care. A lot. So, by the way, do a lot of other folks. Does anyone else feel like it's an Orwellian morning? In 1984?

SCARY: This is a 'joke site' putting girls up for sale- as long as you marry 'em! Snopes.com has confirmed that it's not real, but there are people out there who'd probably try to use it, and quite a few of 'em are in the States. Also, the reminder of 'foreign brides' and sex-trafficked women ruined my breakfast cinnamon roll.

QUEER: The lovely SublimeFemme has a post responding to an Annoyed Lesbian who's bemoaning the abundance of Butch/Femme types in NYC. Oh, the horror!

USEFUL: How not to be "That Guy", by synechdochic. I need to print this and throw copies of the roof of a high building.

NEW AND SPIFFY: I just found another feminist blog that seems to be pretty neat. Lots of political stuff, of course. What did we do before this election?

MORE QUEER: Sinclair's new post on femme identity made me think about how I identify. What makes me a femme? ...still thinking on that one.

ON ROE: A doctor's story of the days pre-Roe v. Wade, which brings the point home again that making abortion illegal won't stop it from being performed. It will do nothing but cause more death and pain. I thought it was a necessary and important thing to keep in mind.

Okay kids, that's my first try at a blogaround/ link roundup of random stuff. Feel free to leave your links in comments!

A Congressman's Response (redux)

NOW! with more hope and less confusion! (emphasis still mine)

Dear Ms. [Lemur],

Thank you for contacting my office concerning the proposed new Health and Human Services regulations regarding birth control. I appreciate hearing from you on this important issue and I welcome the opportunity to respond.

As you may know, this regulation would establish a new definition of abortion. There is a risk that this new definition could confuse certain contraception, including birth control, with abortion. It is possible under these new regulations that women may be discouraged or blocked from receiving birth control from federally funded health care entities.

I firmly believe that a woman's personal decisions about her body and her health are her own to make. Access to prescribed contraception is a legal right in the United States and important in preventing unintended pregnancies, family planning, and treating medical conditions such as endometriosis and irregular cycles. Please be assured that I will continue the fight for measures that protect women's health.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact my office. I sincerely appreciate your input and hope that you will contact me in the future if I can be of further assistance. Additionally, I hope you'll find my website (www.klein.house.gov) a useful resource for keeping up with events in Washington and the 22nd District of Florida.

Sincerely,

Ron Klein
Member of Congress

ETA:
Okay folks, having RE-read this letter, I realize I've been a bad blogger and did not fact check. Bad Lemur, no cookie. I assumed Congressman Klein was behind the proposal in the first place, because I wrote to him objecting to it. Nope, not true. I tried to see who was behind it and couldn't find a particular person. (Maybe HHS is just one big multibrained entity.) Anyway, not Klein. He got my letter because he's (was) my particular Congressman, is all. Actually, it turns out he's not a bad guy, for a politician anyway.

So yeah, this letter actually makes a lot more sense now. My apologies to Ron Klein, and anyone having the misfortune to read this post.
I will be accepting thumps upside the head, and will be more careful in the future.
Sorry, guys!

Because I Just Had To Say It

Here at Things That Piss Me Off dot com, we have another enraging thing to share with you: Some jerk with an uninformed opinion. This was brought up by my anger at a dudely acquaintance of mine, let us call him F. And in this case the F-word in question isn't Feminist. I can't be friends with him anymore because he constantly argues politics with me, which normally is great- for some reason I can't get anyone to talk politics, religion, or anything serious with me to save my life. (I love Buffy as much as the next fingers-in-her-ears-blocking-out-the-issues-with-it feminist, but come on, people! Apathy, much?) But this guy always seems to argue the opposite side of whatever issue we're on. Which gets tiring, but not so tiring as the fact that F's arguing with me about stuff he knows nothing about!

He's a straight, white, able-bodied cisgendered male who knows a lot less about feminist and queer theory than I do, and I admit to being maybe one step up from a novice. How, then, does he get to talk about racism, sexism, misogyny, abortion, rape statistics, and socio-cultural influences on rape culture? I'll give you a hint: it ain't by starting out "I know I'm privileged and have never experienced these things, but I've done some research and I thought maybe..."
No, that would be far too intelligent. He's another dude who benefits from the Patriarchy and his privilege, all the while denying either of those things exist. Wanna hear some of the things he does say? Well, I didn't want to hear 'em either.
-"Feminism is just reverse sexism. If you really wanted everyone to be equal, you'd call yourself a humanist."

-"False rape accusations are common, and I can prove it!" (He then sent me an article stating that 20-25% rape accusations are proven to be false. It was written as an opinion piece for Fox News by WendyMcElroy, editor of ifeminist .com, which I know nothing about. Anybody familiar with her or that site? And anyone who wants to see the article and can't find it, I'll email it to you.)

And variations on this exchange come up all the time. Yay for libertarians [snark].
-F: "Abortions aren't that hard to get. I had a friend who had one once; I went with her and she just did it."
Me: "Yeah, well, luckily we have a PP nearby. What about those women in rural areas? Or scary religious-type areas? Or hey, how about all the women who don't have the money to pay out of pocket, can't use Medicaid and don't have insurance? They're screwed."
F: "Then they shouldn't have had sex. Nobody should have sex who isn't prepared for any consequences that might come up."

Yeah. I can't talk to this dude without being angry for days. The thing is, he's not the only person like this. And I know anyone who's been in the blogosphere for longer than 10 minutes knows it, but I still don't fucking get it, as observed by my comments in this excellent post over at Questioning Transphobia, and Lisa's reply.

1. Screaming Lemur Says:
   August 25, 2008 at 4:57 pm

Great post; it really made me think. And honestly, I still don’t get wherein people don’t understand this simple rule: if you’re not part of the group under discussion, you do not get to define it, tell that group what it ’should’ do, or otherwise make sweeping generalizations about it. I wouldn’t dream of trying to define a trans person’s gender/sex or a POC’s experience with racism, because that experience isn’t mine. Not that I’m saying “I’m so perfect! I deserve cookies”; it’s a simple idea. It just stuns me how many people I talk to daily don’t seem to grasp it.
But thank you for writing this.

2. Lisa Harney Says:
   August 25, 2008 at 5:02 pm
   Because people will do everything they can to ward off the knowledge that the benefits society accords them simply for being believed to be part of the “norm” are unearned and harm people who don’t fit into that same assumed norm... And I think that this knowledge makes people deeply uncomfortable, not that most people are actively invested in hiding the fact that they benefit from any kind of privilege. But this attitude, this reaction is what fuels racist and homophobic ideologies like white supremacist movements or Westboro Baptist Church. And there are people who are actively invested in refuting the idea that privilege exists.

I <3> PhysioProf writes about feminist issues even though he's a dude; there were IIRC other cisgendered commenters over at Questioning Transphobia; and I like Renegade Evolution even though I don't identify as a sex-positive feminist or a sex worker. Being supportive is totally okay, don't misunderstand me!

But the coworker who tried to tell me what gay folks shouldn't be offended by, the commenters who contested Ren's observation about how people describe sex workers, and oh by the way, F who isn't ever going to need an abortion and probably won't ever be raped: This isn't about you. You're coming from a position of privilege and serious ignorance. You don't get to have a dissenting opinion because you don't know what it's like, and therefore don't know what you're talking about, and therefore you sound like an ass.
Shut up for 5 minutes, listen, and accept that the person living the reality has way more right to define it than you ever will.
Gods, people are such jerks and they piss me off!

PSA. Also, Random Fact!

Because I'm move-demented, I'm posting random things as they occur to me. This shit will probably happen til I'm re-homed and settled. And maybe even after that, if I feel like it. Deal with it.

PSA for today:

EVERY FEMALE WHO IS SEXUALLY ACTIVE SHOULD VISIT THE OB-GYN AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. Every female who isn't sexually active should still go at least once a year after you start your period, or at least when you hit your mid-teens. This came up because I know some women in their mid-20's who've gone like, once. Or never. And they're sexually active. Look, I get that you may have had a bad experience with a doctor. Or that it's scary. And I totally get it if you're poor as hell and don't have money for a doctor unless you're actively bleeding from the eyeballs. Those of us (privileged, I know) who have money for a co-pay or deductible or the few who're solvent yet uninsured, however, have no excuse that I can see.

*Yes, I can say vagina, vulva, uterus and ovaries. I think 'lady-parts' is amusing, and use it to mean all those things in general.*
We only get one set of lady-parts! And I know most of us want them to be functional for at least one of two purposes, if not both. Reproductive health (whether you want kids, don't want 'em, or don't know) and sexual pleasure are a BIG part of what I consider feminism to be about, and they're important. Also, if you're gettin' it on, it's good to be checked to make sure you're STD-free. And hell, if something's wrong and you don't know it til too late, it's not like they hand out spares.
This is not to shame anyone or suggest that some people don't have valid reasons for putting off a doctor visit. It's mostly to inform those women who think it's less important, or don't see a reason to visit the vag-doctor on the regular. It's also to reassure those who think that going to a Gyn. says something about their sexuality, one way or the other. (Yes, I do know someone like this.) It's okay, it doesn't, and nobody will judge you. I promise.

So seriously, if you haven't, or even if you haven't for awhile, go get your ladyparts checked. Your vulva will thank you for it (after it's done bitching about that freezing speculum).

And now,
Random Fact for today:

FERRETS ARE NOT RODENTS. I know, I know, they look kind of rodent-y. They aren't. They're mustelids, which are related to otters, badgers, skunks and wolverines. Their Latin name translates to "stinky mouse-killing thief". I haven't seen Loki hunt mice, but the rest is definitely accurate.
So don't call a ferret a rat. It's untrue and rather insulting to ferrets, who're (in my admittedly biased opinion) a damn sight cooler than rats.
Also, just so you know: they don't bite any more than dogs or cats do, and for the same reasons. I know those pointy teeth can look scary, but I promise the most dangerous thing most ferrets will do is sniff you with disturbing intensity. They're funny, affectionate, about as smart as a two year old child, and occasionally a pain in the ass, and they aren't rodents.
Show some love for the ferrets!

One (Hopefully) Giant Leap For Womankind

It's probably been posted all over the feminist blogosphere, but I had had HAD to put it up here. Thanks to Cara over at the Curvature for bringing it to my attention, apparently via Feministing. It's also been cross-posted over at Feministe.

The Democratic Party Platform is looking pretty woman-friendly. Holy shit, maybe someone doesn't hate us after all? It's not everything, it's not perfect, but it's a damn good start- or rather, an improvement on what was started with Roe v. Wade.
I suggest- strongly- that you head over to the Curvature and check out Cara's post. It will make your day better!

I want to hope that things can get better. If this becomes a reality, things will. I promise, America, society will not fail, democracy will not fall. Not any more than they have already, anyway. Women will be safer and more secure in themselves and their lives, and how can that be a bad thing?

College "journalist" sez: Mocking Rape is Cool! We're cool, man!

"Regardless, dude, yes, many people commenting here do menstruate. I suggest you flee in terror lest someone menstruate at you through the internet. Feminists can do that, you know. They have powers."
...Holy crap, that's funny. It was from a post over at Feministe on John Petroski and his truly awful editorial in the CCSU rag, The Record ("but it was meant to be SATIRE!") on how rape is "a magical experience", wherein he goes on to blather about how the Romans raped the Sabine women to increase their population, and how "fat girls would never know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk" if not for date rape.
He then went on to say

"But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some saucy circle-jerk rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket."

Yeah, rape should be endorsed because it'll make a good front-pager. This guy must not have been reading newspapers lately, being too busy writing them with his deathless wisdom and all.
But hey, he's a real charmer. He's the same guy who wrote another piece about abortion which included gems like “As soon as you get pregnant you no longer have a right to your own body...Once a child grows in your womb, ladies, it should no longer be a question of your right to privacy or your right to choose.” I won't even go into that, except to mutter things about chainsaws.

So, I think we can safely apply the label "priveleged, whiny, misogyinst douchebag" when it comes to this guy and his writing. And what the rape piece means, translated, is: "Even though I'm entitled to sex with any girl I want, they haven't gotten the memo about my wit, charm, and HUGE weenie. So I'll make a bunch of jokes-that-aren't-really-jokes to trivialize rape, which is totally sensationalized anyway, because none of these uppity bitches'll fuck me."

Well, Sparky, a few problems with that. To whit: satire is funny. This wasn't. It was douchebaggery, plain and simple. I had to invoke Poe's Law on this one. Even if rape were an acceptable subject to satirize, you'd have to do it well, and carefully, and in such an exaggerated manner that no one misunderstood. This genius has done none of the above; Jonathan Swift he really ain't.
(For a comparison that's pretty good, check out this post.)

But Johnny-boy still doesn't get what these Humorless Feminists^tm are getting so upset about, I can tell. So let me make it clear to him, and to all the guys who don't get why rape jokes aren't fucking funny. Here it is, John.
There are- let me bold this- there are men out there who really think like this. Who will read this and feel validated to go out and commit a crime that you trivialized. And it's your fucking fault, John.
If a woman had written something similar about the joys of mass castration (and don't think I haven't been tempted), not only would it not have made the paper, she would've severely disciplined. But this is different, cause we all know rape doesn't really happen to real people.

And of course, there were the usual trolls commenting on how Feminists Can't Take A Joke. Right. Like the way black folks don't think lynching jokes are funny. They just have no sense of humor about being abused, oppressed, and treated as less than human for hundreds of years!
...Oh, wait.
Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit. I think I just made a point! I should write for The Record!
Anyway, the above comment is a reply by commenter ako to one of said trolls who said something like "chill out and put your tampons back in ur[sic] pockets". Not a complete quote, but close enough for morons. Way to raise the intellectual level of the discussion, moron! And thanks to ako for that reply, which had me LOLing all over my keyboard. It got messy for a moment.

Also coming in for lambasting is Mark Rowan, the editor of the paper, who actually printed that shit instead of placing it somewhere it could be appreciated, like the bottom of a hamster cage.
I'm happy to report that from what I hear, most students are outraged, or at the very least, not supportive of the guy. And Petroski did give an apology. A crappy, CYA type apology. In which he called rape a "pseudo-subject". Is that even a word? Seriously? Can we have some real journalists at a college paper, please? Ye gods, my cat could meow something that made more sense than this dipwad's "bold" and "gifted" satire.
I'm sorry, Connecticut. If these guys are yours, I hope you kept the receipt.

...And now I totally want to menstruate on someone through the internet! Where do I sign up for that feminist power?

Obama Sez "Check With Your Religious Representative Before You Go All Krazy"

So I was reading this post from Shakesville (Jeff is awesome). I have been commenting all over the blogosphere lately, it feels like. Coming out of my lurker status to actually put my opinion on the Inter-webs, where people can possibly *gasp* criticize it! I know, that's what I'm doing here, I guess. So... maybe it's good practice for being criticized? I'm hoping some of it will make me, if not a better feminist (although I do acknowledge it as a possibility), at least a better, clearer and more concise writer.

But that whole late-term abortion thing is just annoying. Obama's yapping about mental health issue not being a valid reason for a late-term abortion just sounds like a patronizing and dangerous "We'll allow you to have your evil abortion if your physical health is threatened, but not your psyche, because who gives a shit about your useless mind and feelings unless you might not be able to pump out more of the precious babiez! Also, we can't have women running around willy-nilly deciding two days before their due date that, wait, that baby would really screw up their manicure. But uh, hey, girl power!"
Wow, that was a lot of interpretation on my part, there. But hyperbole aside, it really does feel like that to me.

And yes, while the chance of women having 'frivolous' abortions is vanishingly unlikely- rarely, I would think, does a woman say "Hey, think I'll abort this fetus at 8 months, cause it'll be fun!"- it may happen. The thing is, just because a few women are stupid, irresponsible, selfish or even sadistic enough to do something like that, doesn't mean we should deny late-term abortions across the board.

Again, I stress options. Per example: Irresponsible use of alcohol kills a hell of a lot of people, but after the first attempt at Prohibition, no one's saying "Okay, you irresponsible douchebags have ruined it for the rest of the country. NO BOOZE FOR YOU!" So how come this is different?

I was just angry, especially at Obama's "Abortion is a woman's decision to make with her doctor, family, and pastor" trope. And that's not really paraphrasing. Yeah, fuck that. Either it's a woman's decision, she's a big girl and can think about how to handle her uterus all on her own, or she's incapable (cause of those tiny little wimmin-brainz) and has to have other people make the decision for her.

Ah, Obama, I had such hopes for you! I thought you actually got the "woman as human being" decision! What's a feminist to do, other than bitch, moan and complain. Yeah, I know... but hey, I'm feeling a bit discouraged. It's my party blog and I'll bitch if I want to.

And that song reference makes me think back to one of my first feminist moments. When I was a little kid riding in the car with my mom, she listened to the oldies stations obsessively. And there was a "sequel song" to 'It's My Party' called 'Now It's Judy's Turn To Cry'. You know, the first song was about her boyfriend dumping her for some other chick? This song's about how it's this girl's turn to cry (maybe at a party?) because "Johnny's [dumped this bitch and] come back to me". My thought about this, even as a kid, was: "Why the hell isn't she mad at the guy who dumped her in the first place? What's so great about this guy? Isn't she mad? And isn't it kinda mean to be happy that some other girl's crying cause this guy did to her what he did to you? WTH?" What can I say, I wasn't a terribly articulate feminist at 8.
Does anyone else have a First Feminist moment they remember?