Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Like A Bad Horror Movie

So, we have ladybugs! Did you know that they swarm? Did you know that one ladybug is significantly less intimidating than fifty? Now you know! And now I am sleeping in the living room! Yeah, as a Wiccan, I revere nature. I even like nature. But we get along better if nature stays outside. I feel like I am in a low-budget horror movie, called something like "The 5th Plague".

So I thought I would analyze the song "Dizz Knee Land" by Dada, because I love that song. And because I need something to keep me from FREAKING OUT.

It's catchy, harmonic pop and the lyrics feature the male lead singing about all the random things that he's done or had happen to him, and then he says, "now I'm going to Disneyland".

"I just robbed a grocery store, /now I'm going to Disneyland
I just flipped off President George /I'm going to Disneyland!"

The song is about the fact that no one ever really knows how their day is going to go, or what they're really going to do next. We think we've got everything planned, and the next thing you know, you're drunk and cuffed in the back of a cop car outside a liquor store in Pasadena because you randomly fired a gun you don't even own. None of us ever really know the answer to the phrase "So, what are you going to do now?"
Me, I haven't got a fuckin' clue. I'm aiming for "Try not to wake up with insects up my nose", but you never know.

Hell, we might as well all go to Disneyland.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Tales of Child-Lemur Smartassery

When I was but a young Lemur, just rebelling against a world that didn't understand me, I decided not to say the pledge. Was forced to anyway, by locksteppin' teachers. So I came up with an alternative version. Hey, I said the pledge! You didn't say it had to be your pledge.

"I pledge allegiance to my ass;
and the united states of bullcrap.
And to the republic, of eggs and ham;
one nation, under Bob;
invisible, liver free, with jetpacks for all!"

If you have a rebellious child, you might teach hir this, as an example of civil disobedience. And then you might want to have a recording device ready so you can easily podcast the principal's reaction when zie calls you that same morning.

It's probably really hard to raise a socially conscious kid. Glad I can help!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Kittens Have No Tact

So I had that song "Lights" by Journey stuck in my head yesterday and decided that singing it (while hanging clothes in my closet) would be the best remedy.
I got to the part where he goes way up and belts "It's sad, OH, there's been mornings out on the road without you /Without your charms".
I was fully into it, holding that last note rather spectacularly, when the kitten jumped up on the bed and stood on her hind legs to put her front paws on my chest. She then proceeded to stare intently and worriedly up at my face, where the strange noise was coming from. I was rather offended- I'm a trained karaoke diva!

The worst part- that song stayed in my brain for the next day and a half.
Stupid cat. What does she know about good music?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Good Dyke Porn Is Good

I was thinking of that timeless lyric: "Hey fellas (yeah?)/fellas (yeah?)/Grab your left nut and make your right one jealous/"... and decided it needs a lolcat response. And a porn review to go with it. So, here!

Ha! Yes doodz, you now have to grab your own harbls... er nuts.

(Wait, does that even make sense? More importantly, do I care about the sense it does[n't]make?)
It ties in, though: straight folks should be jealous, whether they have nuts or not. I'm not sure they can appreciate this porn of queer fabulousness.
Okay, so maybe watching this awesome porn has got me in a weird, funky, freaky-ass mood. One might even call me Supafly. Or not.

Really, though, how can you not love a porn called "Superfreak" that involves the horny ghost of Rick James (portrayed spifftastically by the director, who is in fact a lady)? Well, maybe you can resist. I couldn't.

Yes, I found some feminist, lesbian, not-for-het-dudes porn, and all I can say is... I'll be in my bunk. Oh, and Dylan Rion can jump my freaky bones any day.

What? I'm a kinky little sex-obsessed perv in my spare time. And by "spare", I mean "all the".

Friday, October 2, 2009

Brought To You By The Letter 'L'

I don't feel like posting anything political. There's a bunch of crap, and most of it is depressing. Go to Shakesville if you want intellectualism this week. I'm posting random shit for a little bit. Tomorrow, kitteh pictures.

Today, the word of the day is aposiopesis. So, yeah...


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Morning Breath

So this morning my grouchy Ferret was bitching about her new deodorant; apparently, it doesn't make her stink as nice as her old one. It's all boy-smell to me, but hey. She's bitch-and-moaning and I haven't had any coffee either.
"I don't like it", sounding like a two year old.
"Well, I didn't like choking on cock but I still gave head to guys for five years. Suck it up and deal with it!"

She stares at me for a sec and then goes to put on her shirt, muttering, "Not my fault you were a stubborn-ass bitch for five years."
I snark back "Yes it was!"
At which point she sputters for a few seconds and then gives up and puts her shoes on.

Aren't we charming in the morning?