Monday, August 18, 2008

You Guys Win The Douchebag Award

Here at Things That Piss Me Off dot com (where we'll be inserting LOLCat/Interwebz speak because it amuses us), we have example A-1 of TTPMO: Dudez That Just Suck. We'll be looking at two different examples of men who are so awful, they've won a prize. So let's have a look, shall we?

Fail #1: To the guy who approached my friend D and I as we were slightly un-sober at a gas station at 2 am, and proceeded to address my friend as "Shorty", tell her he "likes big girls", offer her weed, stand there rolling a blunt at her car window, and then badger her til she put his number in her phone: You. Fail. If you require an analysis:

1. It's not cool to hit on people at a gas station. Lameness points for that. It's highly uncool to approach two girls, at night, who do not know you.

2. I have never met a single female who thinks it's cute to be called "Shorty". While there may be some who do, don't assume this is an acceptable form of address to use to anyone with breasts. (For extra stupid points, it may be noted that my friend is in fact almost 6 feet tall. 'Shorty'=WTF?)

3. "I like big girls", or "fat chicks" or any variant... do I have to say it? Automatic fail.

4. Don't do stupid shit with weed. I have no problem with it (though it helps if you follow the same rules that apply to alcohol use, IMO). But if you have half a brain, you don't bring it out in front of random strangers, nor do you accept it from them. It's still illegal, remember? He could've been a cop. We could've been cops. BIG stupid points for that. Also, rude.

5. If you ask a girl if she'd like your number and she doesn't seem thrilled, don't repeatedly urge her to do it and stand over her til she puts it in her phone. I guarantee you she will delete it immediately, she will never "hit [you] up sometime", and you have proven that you are made of asshole. He did offer his number rather than bug her for hers, which is good, but it's just a pickle on a shit sandwich. FTL I tell you.

For the second, I was wandering the Interweb as usual when while browsing the archives at PunkAssBlog, I came upon this post, about some creepy lady who thinks all women should be, um, churning butter. Yes, you prurient people, there are links in the post to these disturbing people if you're a web-masochist.
Far more disturbing than she, believe it or not, were some of the quotes she had on her site from other wackaloons who have web sites. Guys who are very, very, threatened by the idea that women are people, let alone that they might be equal to dudes, in charge of dudes, or not want to be servants/sex objects for dudes. It's disheartening to think that people like this still exist.

Fail #2 Like the guy who runs a site called called jesus-is-savior, which has a section called, with no irony, "Feminists Are Evil", who said "Perhaps you ask, 'Don’t I have any rights as a wife? Am I just to be a plain old slave all my days?' Listen carefully now….You don’t have any rights, no rights at all."
Wow, can you say "Bible-Thumping Nutjob"? (I knew that you could.) He also uses the term "Feminazi" rather gratuitously. And no I will not link to his site, it's in the damn PAB post.

And I will warn you, on one hand it's so ludicrous it's funny, on the other hand I couldn't read the damn page because it triggered my upchuck reflex in a hardcore way. A whole page of how women who won't "submit to their husbands" aren't real women, and that's what we should all be doing: submitting to the all-powerful husbands (no, you can't refuse to marry. It's mandatory!). Not having jobs or lives, because the Bible says so. Women just aren't equal to men, darnit.

Also he had a bit about his definition of abuse; apparently a man restricting his wife's movements or relationships totally isn't abusive. Good news for all the ladies in relationships with controlling bastards- your mistake, it's actually perfectly ok for him to tell you where and when to go and who to see and how often and what you can do and maybe even when you're allowed to piss! That's a trigger of mine and I did NOT have a good reaction to that part. Also I'm guessing the guy's a big believer in marital rape. Fuckstick.
That guy chilled me and I never want to meet him IRL. Creepy, bunker-living, stalker kind of guy. Gah.

The guy who thinks jeans are the Lesbian Feminazi Uniform is just kind of funny, though. I mean, funny in a disgusting, annoying, wants all women to exist for his pleasure kind of way. So, I guess not funny at all, but so out-there it just kind of made me go "What, really??! Ye gods!"
Apparently someone somewhere takes him seriously (he invented something? again with the lazy), but his wackaloonery was just kind of "I've lived in a basement for years and haven't interacted with real people in all that time, oh noez evil reptile people!" No, really, he's got something about evil reptilian overlords and feminists and the Rockefellers. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this guy might need some medication to make the voices go away. His tripe was posted over at Feministing for the general amusement of all; the comments do make me smile. It's been hat-tipped at/from a few other places which I'm too lazy to link to just now. But no fear, they're in the post.

So... yeah. Gas Station Guy and Bible-Thumping Nutjob Guy? You boys win the Fail Award of the Week here at Things That Piss Me Off. Please take yourselves and your penises back to the Stone Age until you all learn how to play nicely.