Let's put it out there right now- I'm a bisexual. Sorry if it ruins my street cred, but I've dated both, been with both men and women. Forgive me if I sound defensive- I am.
I get so tired of the views on bisexuals. Fence-sitters is one of the kinder things we're called. Also, experimental, "just a phase", gay-lite, sluts, greedy, indecisive, "not really" one thing or the other. Bi folks are depicted as opportunistic, or evil, or nymphomaniacs in movies. Drunk college girls in bars kiss each other to give the guys a show. (Performative bisexuality bugs the hell out of me. I guess what people want to do is their own business, but my sexuality isn't about thrilling anyone else. I don't want my life- any part of it- pornified for some tool who thinks "OMG grl-on-grl! Sooooo hawtt!!")
All this attached to little old me, and the whole time I'm standing here asking why? Why is it so weird to most people?
I admit to feeling marginalized by everybody- gays and straights. I feel bad when my partner is uncomfortable with it, or when my parents are, or when my coworkers are. I say I'm gay when asked, because "bisexual" is a mouthful, contains the word "sex" which subconsciously puts people off, and "bi" conjures up this flaky chick kissing everyone without discrimination. But it feels like a lie, like how I'd evasively answer "I like guys" when I was still in the closet, or when I just don't want to get into a shouting match with someone about my sexuality (which was none of their business in the first place).
I love being bisexual; actually I can't imagine being attracted to ONLY men or ONLY women. I'd feel so... limited. Before I get flamed: I absolutely don't think being bi is "better" than being straight or gay; I think everyone should be what they are without having to take shit about it. But it's something I have to tell people when they ask "why don't you just choose one or the other?" As if, of course I must. Because they've never heard of the Kinsey scale, and how most people aren't 'only' anything.
I'm not indecisive, nor greedy, nor do I sit on any kind of fence (because that implies refusal to commit to one thing or another). I'm not experimenting, it's not just a phase, and though I love to have sex, I still don't like being called a 'slut' as if it's bad to enjoy sex with whatever willing partner you choose. (This is fairly hypothetical, since I've committed to monogamy with someone. I don't think monogamy is the answer to everything, but it's how our society works, and it's hard to combat that brainwashing.)
I don't have to commit to one sex, to limit myself, to pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm attracted to or love someone for all of them, all of who they are, genitals included. I don't want to immediately discount someone as a possibility or put them in the "friends only" box just because they've got the 'wrong' set of bits.
I love being what I am. I don't want to hide it. I just want the world to keep its narrow mind out of my bedroom.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
2 days ago