Sunday, July 20, 2008

A Waste of Makeup

So I went out the other night, looking for a nice little hole-in-the-wall dyke bar where I could sit and drink rum and coke and maybe do some harmless flirting. Fail. Out of 2 bars, one was dude-oriented and the other... well, the friendly bartender told me it's usually mixed (only guys in there when I went in, awww). So no dykes for me last night. That was disappointing, but not a big problem.

The problem was the skeezy, underage dude who immediately started hitting on me as soon as I walked in. I didn't realize at first he wasn't gay. "You know this is a gay bar, right?" I asked him. "Yeah." So why, then, was he in there? "They serve me beer here. I'm 20." The legal age here is 21. Some bars'll card you and some don't bother.
But this muy suave dude kept talking, couldn't believe it when I told him I was gay, I guess cause I don't look butch. Eyeroll. "Really, you like girls?" "Uh, yes, for many years now." I generally tell the truth about being bi in a gay bar, but with dudes like that, admitting you occasionally like the penis = you want their personal penis. And they keep trying to convince you of this. He's already way too close to me, getting into my personal space (which I hate). And then the fucker leans over and puts a kiss on my cheek!

I sound so outraged. It's not like he groped me or anything, but still! How fucked up is that? I immediately push him away and say "Hey! Don't do that." He laughs and says now he believes that I don't like guys. Because, you know, the actual words out of my mouth weren't good enough. So I proceed to finish my ginger ale, walk to my car with my knife out (Some folks say I'm paranoid. I say yes, I am, but I'm cool with it.), and drive my ass home.
I'm annoyed by this. I took pains to look both bad-ass and femme, and was pretty pleased with the results. I go out, specifically avoiding regular bars, and get hit on by a penis anyway. Fuck.

So a word to all straight guys who go to gay bars to hit on girls: Stop doing it. The gay girls there do not want you, they don't 'need a man to straighten them out', and they will not think it's cute if you try. If there are straight girls at a gay bar, they've come there to get away from guys hitting on them. If they wanted to meet a guy, they'd have gone to a straight bar. So just fucking stop it.

Sigh. Maybe 3 nights a year I go out drinking. This one was an epic fail. Who's a girl gotta grope to find a decent dyke bar in this county?